Couples Therapy
Unaddressed conflict can harm a relationship.
Few things are more painful than finding you and your partner locked in conflict or drifting apart, unable to communicate without matters escalating into a fight or a standoff.
All hope need not be lost. A neutral expert can help you determine what is causing your resentment and misunderstandings and work with you to restore a respectful and caring space to communicate your needs and feelings.
Then, you can rely on each other for love and support and enjoy life together once again
Here is how couples therapy works.
Initially, a big part of what I do when working with couples is to identify the complex relationship dynamics between them as each person tells their side of the story, often with interruptions and/or “corrections” from the other. Years of experience allow me to see and articulate these dynamics relatively quickly in the first few sessions, which enables the work to get off the ground without too much delay.
Once we have a basic framework for understanding the sources of conflict in your relationship, I will work to help you listen to each other with more empathy and patience and modulate defensive reactions that can easily disrupt communication. Sometimes, this involves concrete strategies around de-escalating in moments of conflict or finding ways to compromise when you have a profound disagreement.
Sometimes, we investigate why certain things are so upsetting to one person when they are not apparent to the other. This often relates to early experiences such as “My mother always needed to be the center of attention and never listened” or “My father was passive and depressed and never helped, only complained.”
I often use relevant metaphors when talking to you about each other. For example, I might say to one member, “You are like a fortress,” and to the other, “And you are pounding at the gates.” Then, each partner can profoundly recognize themselves and the other, bringing them closer.
Cultivate mutual understanding and healthy communication
Unlike individual therapy, couples therapy focuses more on the client’s relationship than the relationship with the therapist, though that can also come into play.
With three people in the room, anger can arise when one person feels unfairly characterized or misunderstood by the therapist or experiences the therapist as siding with the other person. I pay attention to the potential for this dynamic and encourage each person to let me know whether or not they feel understood. I always welcome open dialogue, which may include disagreement and clarification.
This communication between each member of the couple and me can be a model for resolving conflict when emotions are high.
Sometimes, I serve as a translator. This helps one member feel understood and supported while the other can better hear their partner’s perspective from someone they trust as an expert and are not angry at or hurt by.
Couples therapy makes for a better relationship.
Most couples I have worked with finish therapy feeling more trust that their partner cares about how they feel, and what they need. They have a stronger foundation to work with and bounce back from moments of stress or conflict, and their bond is stronger than ever.
For couples where the best outcome is to separate, they can do so with compassion and care so that each can move on with minimal resentment, protect their family, and find intimacy and happiness with someone new.
In the majority of cases, however, rather than allowing conflict to cause the two of you to drift apart, couples therapy is a proven way to iron out issues that can erode closeness in a relationship.
We can work together to create the proper foundation. Please get in touch with me today for more information on how I can help.